i was so scared to weigh myself... and i weigh exactly the same.
i was SO SURE i had gained. what the hell is this ed DOING to me?

When I look in the mirror after eating, even something tiny, Im disgusted with myself. But when I'm empty, I feel like I look so much better, even though there's no difference at all.

I've been laying in bed all day thinking of ways to cope with this. I have sleeping pills at school, which I hope I don't overdose on. Any way to put myself on pause and watch the world go on without me.

I need a scale for uni. I want to go back early but I also want to stay in case he needs me. I keep telling myself shut up he doesn't need you he barely loves you he couldve decieved you. I don't know if it makes a difference.

I just got back from dropping my boyfriend… ex boyfriend… boyfriend (IDK ANYMORE) off at the hospital.

It's a really long story I may post in my journal tomorrow. The part you guys need to be concerned with (well not really you'll probably ignore it) is he called another girl to tell her he's liked her since he met her.
This is killing me. It led me to tear half my scalp out and p---- at least 4 times. I'm also never eating again. I emailed my high school guidance councellor telling him the ins and outs but he won't reply until school starts again. There's no chance of sleep I'm thinking too much about this and all my inadequacies.

I'm avoiding food, alcohol, and sharp objects. Please don't tl;dr this I really need someone to talk to. You guys are the only ones I can be honest with.